In other words, she has to feel safe and comfortable. There are myriad variables that fit into this
An Intimate Zone, an Intimate Thing
September 2nd | Uncategorized
Rapport has to be deep for this to work, and preferably, you have already tested by touching her in the safe zone. Although hair is non innervated (actually, non living) tissue, it’s an intimate thing to have your hair touched. This combination of it being a relatively safe zone physically but an intimate zone psychologically makes hair a good part of the body for testing purposes.
Once you have gauged rapport, noticed her green lights, touch tested and know she’s ready, go ahead and kiss her. Passing up the opportunity when it’s there is tantamount to insulting a woman who is into you, and it could be punished by having that opportunity go away indefinitely. The better you get at these skills, the more you will realize that there are sins of omission in courtship as well as sins of commission. Strike while the iron is hot and fulfill the promise of romance you have created.
Fulfill your promise. Take the next step when you know a woman is ready. It’s ungentlemanly to leave her hanging.
The key factor determining whether or not you’re going to have sex Let’s say you’ve done all your homework up to this point. You have solid rapport, she trusts you and feels safe around you. The make out session has begun in earnest, and both bodies are primed for naturally moving the intimacy forward. The prime determinant of whether or not this happens has little to do with skill and everything to do with logistics.
Touch, Green Lights
September 2nd | Uncategorized
Within rapport, anything is possible; without it, almost nothing is.
Noticing her green lights. Review the section above on green lights. The key to noticing them is observation. Pay total attention to her at all times, which is flattering and attractive in its own right. Look at her directly in the eyes. Catch the go ahead signals, then actually go ahead.
Testing. Sometimes the signals aren’t too clear, or you just want to make sure of where you stand. This is where testing comes into play. This involves touching her casually in her safe zones and noticing how she reacts. For simplicity, let’s just say her arm, from the hands up to her shoulders, constitutes the safe zone for touching. During conversation, test her receptiveness to your touch by marking occasional exclamations (yours or hers) with a brief touch. If she is receptive, she will touch you back or at least remain comfortable, in which case you can escalate by increasing the length and frequency of touch and by moving to slightly less neutral zones. If she pulls back, flinches or shows any facial sign of discomfort, that means she wasn’t ready. Pull back as well, slightly more than she has, and resume the rapport building process. Stay calm and forge ahead. A good piece of advice on testing that I have heard from multiple sources is to test by touching her hair.
Gauging Rapport
September 2nd | Uncategorized
The more relevant question is not how but when to kiss a woman. The answer is: as soon as she is ready. First, I suggest not to leave it for the end of your date. Arrange things such that the kissing can occur sometime in the middle of your date. This eliminates end of date pressure and dawdling and catches your companion by surprise
Several Elements, two Great Forces
September 2nd | Uncategorized
It’s a hallmark Tao of Dating maneuver, since regardless of the outcome, you have made progress. And it also requires discipline. Some of you probably noticed that in order for this maneuver to work, you have to overcome your own perceived loss circuitry. And right when you’ve made so much progress! But because you are a student of the Tao, you are detached from your outcome while moving towards it. And you know that what may outwardly seem like taking a step backwards actually moves you closer to your outcome.
The generals have a saying: “Rather than make the first move It is better to wait and see.
Rather than advance an inch It is better to retreat a yard.” This is called Going forward without advancing, Pushing back without using weapons
Capuchin Monkeys, one Piece
September 2nd | Uncategorized
At this moment, the couple cries, “No no no! We’re ready! Don’t tear it up!,” grab the contract back and sign it. I’m dramatizing a bit, but you get the general idea.
People are highly sensitized to perceived loss, and are often willing to take immediate action to avoid it. A recent experiment showed that this feature may not be a cultural artifact, but rather an evolutionarily built in feature of our behavior. Researchers trained capuchin monkeys to use plastic discs (
Couple, Picture
September 2nd | Uncategorized
In order for Kathy to understand what you’re saying at all, she has to accept the premise that you will have dated for six months, and then to make a picture of that situation in her head, since it hasn’t happened yet. And, as you probably know already, the brain cannot tell the difference between reality and what it imagines vividly. So make the picture of the future vivid. Add all kinds of sensory detail to make it real; I have no doubt that with your imagination, you can come up with a far better version of that story up there. And feel free to play with the present, too. By all means add bits and pieces that haven’t happened yet but clearly should (e.g. “somehow ended up making out in the car”).
The take away. This third maneuver is devastatingly effective. I find it to be more challenging to use than the other two because it requires more discipline. The idea behind the take away is best illustrated by the classic scenario of imagining a car salesman who is about to close the sale with a couple in the business office. The couple is obviously interested
Unique Anchor, Vocal Anchor
September 2nd | Uncategorized
Exercise 18. Anchoring: How to evoke an emotion in yourself and others on demand 1. Elicit a desirable emotional state.
2. Mark the desirable state at the peak of its intensity with a specific, unique anchor.
Touch anchors tend to be the most reliable; combine with a vocal anchor when possible.
3. Fire the anchor at opportune moments to evoke that same pleasurable state.
Time distortion. In my studies of the art and science of persuasion, this technique is one of the most potent I have ever encountered. Also called pseudo orientation in time, it’s equally effective for therapeutic and persuasion purposes. It also happens to be one of the easiest ones to use. The basic idea is to describe what you want to happen as if it has already happened, and you are now looking at those events from a position in the future.
Since that probably made no sense at all, let me illustrate with an example. Let’s say you’ve just met a great girl named Kathy, and she’s the kind of girl you’d like to date.
You want to be saying something like this: “You know what’s funny, Kathy? Have you ever asked couples who have been together for a while how they first met? It’s always so random. I mean, let’s say that you and I actually end up getting along and end up going out together and having a great time. Six months down the road, we’d be sitting at the Omelet Store on Green Street on a Sunday, laughing and having a wonderful time, and we would look back at this day, and I’d say,
Visual Anchors, Touch Anchor
September 2nd | Uncategorized
Effective and appropriate touch anchors (which you will always do on neutral body zones) are a quick tap or double tap on the wrist or shoulder or an elbow squeeze. Visual anchors and sound anchors are also effective. A visual anchor can be as simple as a head tilt, or pointing sideways with a forefinger, or a combination of the two. A sound anchor could be an uncommon word (remember the specificity requirement), or a regular word with pronounced in an uncommon way (”wow, that’s really in TENSE”). As you get more practice with this, simultaneously combine a sound and touch anchor for maximum potency. For example, as you do the double wrist tap, you say, “That’s sounds really
Marker
September 2nd | Uncategorized
Human beings learn very quickly