Repressive Parents, an Orgasm

Ten Steps to Orgasm

1. Analyze your sexual influences.

Try to determine whether or not you have been exposed to any negative messages about sex while you were growing up. Sexually repressive parents or a strict religious upbringing are important factors to consider. Also, some women who have never had an orgasm were victims of child sexual abuse, incest, or rape. You may want to work with a therapist to understand how these issues could be affecting your enjoyment of sex.

2. Examine your body.

When you have some time alone, check out your naked body. In a well lit room, take a hand mirror and look at your vulva. (If the light in the room is not bright enough, use a flashlight.) You may want to lie down with your legs open and prop your head up with pillows to get a better look. Or you could even try squatting over the mirror. Notice the way each part of your genitals looks: your pubic hair, your labia, your vaginal entrance, your clitoris. Accept this as a special and beautiful part of your body. While you are looking, acknowledge that your clitoris is there for only one reason: to give you pleasure. When you are looking at it, believe that it can and will help you have an orgasm.3. Enjoy pleasure without having a goal.