Once mastered, you have the freedom to improvise within those rules. As with any other skill, the process of mastery may seem laborious at first. But gradually, you reach the point at which all the rules, attitudes and techniques have been internalized and everything will start to flow. At that point, you won’t be thinking or struggling or even doing. You will have returned to the simple state of being you. That is when you will have reached wu wei, not doing, as in Chapter 3 of the Tao Te Ching: Practice not doing, and everything will fall into place.
In the end, keep in mind what all of this is about. Ultimately, the secret to a successful, fulfilling life is loving relationships. If the journey is the destination, then let every step of your journey towards relationship mastery be imbued with love. When you encounter obstacles, be like water
An Intimate Relationship, Intimate Feeling
September 2nd, 2009 — Uncategorized
Of course having a baby is one of the most joyous aspects of life. And there are many wonderful things that can happen in a relationship after the birth of the child. You may find that having a child together increases intimacy. You are the two people who created this new life together. You are the “Mommy” and “Daddy” and that can be an incredibly intimate feeling! Too Pooped to Pop? The trick to beating the postpartum no time problem is to allow for the possibility that sex can happen outside the bedroom and at times other than just before sleep and just after the alarm clock sounds. You may be exhausted from taking care of your new baby, and not in the mood for sex at the times when you do have a break. However, if you’re interested in getting your sex life back on track and maintaining an intimate relationship with your spouse, you may need to work on getting turned on when you do have quiet time. Your baby may not sleep often, but when he or she does, try to take advantage of that time to have sex. Or when you feel ready to have a baby sitter or family member watch the baby, splurge and go for a hotel room. A new setting away from cribs and diapers might be just what you need. Then, oh baby, you can have some real sexy fun.
Some People Bisexual, an Extended Relationship
September 2nd, 2009 — Uncategorized
Wherever you think you fall on the scale, your heart knows you best. So listen to it, and acknowledge that your feelings of love and attraction are real, instead of trying to convince yourself otherwise.
Listen to your libido, too-it knows some parts of you pretty well.
Bi the Way
As you may have noticed on the Kinsey scale, there are many ways for people to be bisexual. On the scale, people who seem to be 2s, 3s, or 4s are bisexual. That means that there are many different types of bisexuals. That often leads people to wonder:
- Do bisexuals have sex with a woman one night and a man the next?
- Does a bisexual enter an extended relationship with a man, and then when that ends, enter an
extended relationship with a woman?
- Do bisexuals ever have extended relationships with both men and women simultaneously?
- Can someone call him or herself bisexual if the person feels attracted to people of both genders but
has never (or rarely) actually had sex with someone of the same gender?? Do some people call themselves bisexual only for a short period of time, simply because it is convenient to be with people of the same sex at a particular time in their life, i.e., if they are at a single sex boarding school, in the army, or in prison?
- Are some people bisexual, and then realize that they are gay, lesbian, or straight and change their
sexual identity?The answer to all those questions is “yes.” There are many possibilities of ways that people are bisexual. There are no rules for being bi. You don’t get kicked out of the “bisexual club” if you have two male lovers in a row before you have a female one, or if you never have relationships simultaneously, or if you only label yourself as bisexual for a short period of time. Everyone’s sexuality is unique.
Expectations, Relationship
September 1st, 2009 — Uncategorized
Finally, be sure of your expectations when you have sex. Just because your body is filled up doesn’t mean your heart, your mind, or your spirit will be. If your expectations involve having a relationship that goes beyond just being sex partners, then wait until you have that-whether that means waiting until you are in love, or not.
When Is the Timing Right?There is no “right” time to have sex with someone. You need to decide for yourself if you feel close enough to the person to want to be the most intimate you can be. You have to consider your values about casual sex, sex and love, as well as what you are looking for out of the relationship.
Ever hear that old expression “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free”? Some people believe that jumping in the sack too soon makes for a relationship that’s based only on sex, and it will not have the potential for a long term commitment. It can be confusing if you become physically intimate with someone before you have established emotional intimacy. That disparity could cause you to wonder where your relationship is going, before you have even had the chance to determine if this new sex partner is someone who you’d like outside of bed. Yet there are other people who believe that if they don’t have sex by the third date, then the person they are dating will lose interest all together. Some people think that physical intimacy teaches you more about a new person than if you had had hours of conversation.In order to deal with this predicament, you should determine your own set of rules about when it is right to have sex with someone. Then stick to them, no matter what. In the long run, if you make a decision about when to have sex with a new partner and you stick to it, you will be happier than if you just improvise.
Couple, Relationship
September 1st, 2009 — Uncategorized
How did that affect your relationship? Was your relationship based only on sex? Or did it blossom into love? Some people think that if a couple waits to have sex until they feel they are really in love (perhaps months or even years), then their relationship will become deeper without being based on sex. Also, when you wait until you are in love, sex can be more intense and more meaningful.
If you are in love, while you are having sex, you can look deeply into your partner’s eyes and feel a deep connection with each other. Some people feel like they are practically melding together during sex when they are in love. It’s not like they are just “doing it.” Sex without love may be “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.” But sex with love is “making love.” If you are the type of person who likes it when your partner can look into your eyes and say, “I love you,” during sex, then you’d probably prefer sex with love. It you are the type of person who doesn’t like any of the romance of love mixed with your sex, then you don’t need love to have sex.Of course that’s not to say that when you are in love, every time you have sex has to be some kind of mushy, romantic lovefest. Having sex when you’re in love doesn’t always mean that you’re having sex to show love. Sometimes sex expresses other feelings. For example, a couple who are in love might have sex just to express their pure physical desire. They might just want to tear each other’s clothes off and do it wildly without wasting time looking in each other’s eyes.
Similar Types, Relationship
September 1st, 2009 — Uncategorized
With each person, the feelings of “falling in love” will be a new type of sensation.
Sometimes you fall in lovewith a friend you have known for years. Sometimes you fall in love with a stranger you see across a crowded room. No two loves are alike.
According to psychologist Richard Sternberg’s theory of love, true love is based on a balance of three elements: commitment, intimacy, and passion. He explained that if any of those elements is missing, you could still have love, yet different kinds of love. The following illustration explains.
Because there are so many different types of love, and because everyone defines love so differently, it will be helpful to your relationship if you explain to your partner the type of love you feel. I’m hopeful that you will both understand each other and maybe even feel similar types of love for each other!Types of love
When and How to Express Your Love
Because many people have a hard enough time defining their love, expressing it may be even more difficult. You might get into a relationship and wonder “Should I say
Relationship energy boosters
August 31st, 2009 — Uncategorized
Always keep in mind that denial only postpones pain; discussing difficult issues leads to some relief-and resolve.
The Energy Booster Checklist
Ultimately an affair is an opportunity for healing-either yourself or your relationship. Look at everything that happens as a winning situation for you in the long run.
As a relationship therapist for many years, I know that any relationship can work if both people want it to. You can heal from tantric love affairs if you work at staying together.
Reflect on what you and your partner can do to give your relationship an energy booster so you continue to be fascinated with each other. Can you learn not to interrupt while he is talking? Take a class or find other interests to become more wellrounded? Lose weight to feel more attractive about yourself? Make your list here. Ask your partner to make a list, too.
Your Relationship Energy Boosters
What I Can Do to Infuse More Energy What My Partner Can Do: in My Relationship: l.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Look over your lists and talk about which energy boosters you can both put into practice. How do you feel about each other’s suggestions? Decide to implement at least one of these each week.Part 5 ? Dating and Mating Tantra Style
The Least You Need to Know
- It is possible to pursue tantric sex to enlightenment and ecstasy whether you
are single or in a couple, and whether or not your partner is committed to the same path.
Tantric partners, relationship
August 31st, 2009 — Uncategorized
Couples build up resentments and disappointments that, if left unresolved, could erode a couple’s ability to open up in sex. If the problem is never addressed, the entire relationship erodes and
Ecstasy Essentials
We often are attracted to, and attract, lovers who reflect unresolved issues we had with our primary caregivers while growing up, and then want to hurt, cheat, or leave them. Identify how present partners resemble past important people in your life in some physical, emotional, psychological, or energetic way, so you don’t keep repeating the same patterns.
Dr. Judy’s TantrAdvice As a therapist, I am constantly struck by how much couples take each other for granted so soon in a relationship. Instead of looking for sparks with someone else, create that desirable energy by tapping into new parts of yourself with your partner.Part 5 ? Dating and Mating Tantra Style can lead to a breakup over something that seems unrelated. You have to have courage to talk about what your sexual needs and problems are and get help.
Tantric partners are tuned in to energies within themselves and the people around them, so they are more likely to sense when something is awry. If you sense a problem brewing in your relationship, address it now with your partner before it gets bigger and more difficult to solve. Trust your tantric intuition!
Considerations About Tantric Affairs
If one of you has an affair, it’s time to ask some hard questions of yourself and your partner. Use these questions as a guide to clarify some issues and start a confronting conversation:
- Are you or your partner involved romantically in a relationship with someone
else but not having sex with that person?
- If sex is involved, what type of sexual activity is it?
- Is protection being used?
- What types of diseases are you being exposed to?
- What are your agreements about fidelity and has either of you violated those
agreements?
- What is the nature of the “other” relationship? Is the “third person” an ongoing
lover or a fleeting relationship?
- Are you both being honest now, or telling lies?
- Do you both really want to know what’s going
on?
- What are the motivations behind the affair?
- How have you each contributed to this situation
and to any behavior you find upsetting?
- What steps can you do to improve or change
the situation?
- Do you want the relationship to end?
- Is the relationship already dead and you just
haven’t buried the corpse?
- Do you want to continue and try to fix the relationship?
Tantra Tutorial
An affair always involves some breakdown in communication in a relationship. Learn to effectively communicate your wants and desires to each other. When you open up, you might be surprised at what you each have longed to share. From that place of openness, all things are possible.279 Chapter 21 ? When He Resists or She Strays It’s not easy to have a confrontation, but when it’s necessary, have the courage to do it. In the course of a lifetime, everyone experiences disappointments in love, rejecting and being rejected; abandoning or being abandoned. Neither position feels good.
External relationship energy, extra relationship energy
August 31st, 2009 — Uncategorized
In tantric terms, seeing relationships as energy, there is another reason for affairs. It’s called a search for an energy booster. Because everything in tantra can be seen as energy, an affair is not necessary; all that is necessary is a new and equally exciting way to boost energy.
A related theory postulates that people seek what is called New Relationship Energy (NRE). As described in Loving More, a magazine about the polyamorous lifestyle, this defines the high energy spark and rush of chemicals felt when you meet someone new and get a surge of excitement from the attraction. Extra Relationship Energy or External Relationship Energy has the same effect, but comes about between people who have known each other a while and had infrequent contact.
Affairs arise from an illusion that someone outside of the relationship has more attractive energy- they appear more sexy, exciting, and desirable because they’re not the one handling bills, taking the cat to the vet, or messing up the bathroom. A good way to affair proof your relationship: When you’re tempted to stray, always imagine what it would be like in daily life with a new lover.
The most common area that breaks down in longterm relationships is sexuality. Either the sex itself isn’t good, or other problems arise and lovemaking goes from infrequent to never. Anger or guilt shows up in impotence or withdrawal from sex.